(This post was originally written at around midnight the night of May 1, 2011, though posted later)
Flashback ... 7 months ago.
Scott and I were deciding between booking a spring blowout trip to Italy or trying for a baby right now. We wanted both. We listed pros and cons of each, we talked about it with doctors and travel agents, we counted our dollars. But it was time to make a decision. Playing into our decision -- my frequent anxiety attacks. We were both kinda terrified to book an expensive trip, with very long hours in the air, crossing oceans and countries with my inability to control my anxiety about all of those things. After hmming and hawwing, we decided the only way to make the decision was to leave it up to God. If he thought we were better off not traveling now, he would give us a reason to stay put. .... (Well, as you know, he did give us a pretty wonderful reason and made our decision for us.) ... One of the first things we said to each other after finding out about the baby was "So God really didn't want us to travel to Italy in May eh? I hope that doesn't mean that something bad is going to happen then!"
Flashback ... 24 hours ago.
I was in the car with my parents driving to Buy Buy Baby to buy a baby mattress and I said "Ugh, Scott and I were supposed to be in Venice right now!" (In my defense of this crabby comment, I don't have my beautiful baby yet and I've been sick for 6 months so it's sometimes hard for me to remember how happy and blessed I am.)
Present time.
Obama reports Osama Bin Laden has been killed by the US. So happy for America. Happy for the justice, for the little bit of closure that comes after such a vicious attack on Americans and American soil. But the war against terror is not over. Let's not be naive. Our enemies, who have no problem destroying us or our country, will not be pleased to see us celebrating the death of their leader and they will, at least try, to retaliate. I try to have faith that America, and the rest of the world, have learned enough in the last ten years to be prepared for another attack(s). But as I sit in bed listening to the news and feeling my little boy kick away at my tummy, one of the first thoughts in my head is "Oh, I'm so glad we're not flying anywhere soon!" I then counted through my family members making sure they were all staying put as well. (They are.) It was then, that the lightbulb went off.
Oh my gosh, Scott and I were planning to be across the ocean right now!! While there is no doubt in my mind that this death is a good thing for the world (and for the unity of America), it is also very scary. Retaliation is inevitable. And, personally, my anxiety would be out of possible human control if I had to travel by plane now (or anytime soon). Call me crazy and overdramatic if you must, but I watched the planes crash into the twin towers, before I watched them come down, from a mile away and I cannot ever erase that image, or the feelings and reprecussions that experience has had on me. So tonight, I am grateful that I am not in Venice or on my way there, am glad that we received some "reassurance" that we are, in fact, in the exact right place for us to be in our lives right now, and glad that this was shown to me through an American victory, rather than an American or European tragedy. I thank God for my new little family, for leading us down the best path for us, and for the unity (at least tonight) of the American people. May God bless us, our country, and may He keep us all safe as, unfortunately, this is not the end of the war on terror.
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