I have mastitis. Again. Awesome.
If you've never had it, I do not wish it upon you. I would not wish it upon my enemies. (Ok, I totally would, I'm a pretty mean person.) If you have had it, well, you understand my pain. It's painful enough to let your little barracuda suck and pull on your raw nipples, but when a hand touch to your breast is enough to bring a pain tear to your eye, the whole sucking and pulling brings pain to a whole new level. And pain aside, mastitis is an infection -- and infections take over your whole body. So now you're in pain, a pain that greatly intensifies every 2-3 hours, AND you feel like you've been run over by a truck and can barely phantom getting out of bed -- much less putting up with a fussy baby. Add all that to already not loving nursing and it leaves you in a pretty gray state of mind.
My doctors are amazingly sensitive to the situation. They'll let you cry during a visit and talk out your fears and concerns without judgement. Which is something that most other don't seem to be able to do. Everyone has an opinion. Most opinions fall into the "If it hurts, why are you doing it?" Everything I've read in books and on the internet confirms that breastfeeding was not as common during our mothers generation. It wasn't pushed as it is now. I assume because they didn't have the research to back up the facts about the benefits of nursing like they do now. So many of the generation above us -- including my mother and many of her friends -- are quick to come up with reasons why you should stop, including "are you sure that baby's getting enough to eat, he wouldn't be so fussy if you gave him formula" and of course "if you're uncomfortable, just stop." Easier said than done. I dare any of you to google "nursing benefits", read through any website, and then see if you could quit without an intense amount of guilt taking over yourself.
I always said that I would try nursing and if it didn't work out for me or for the baby, that I would stop. So most of you would probably say, "It hurts, you're not happy with it, you're getting infections, so quit." And I can tell you, I have seriously thought about it. I have talked it out with my doctors, I have done research on the nutrients in the different formulas, and <gasp> I have given in and given Brady a couple of formula bottles before bed. (I didn't wean him, I still pumped while he was getting his formula.) And I felt incredibly guilty. Each time.
I feel like I should be able to figure it out. Many new moms not only nurse for months (years?), but they go back to work and pump 5 times a day in the bathroom stall at their office just so their little munchkin gets the *best* milk. I am a almost stay at home mom, my house is a condo and consists of 6 rooms I have to keep clean, and my baby is actually very well behaved, so there is no reason I can't make breastfeeding my "job". Except that I despise it. Well I despise actually doing it. But then when I don't do it and give the baby a formula bottle, I miss it and feel incredibly guilty. What to do, what to do ...
The good (?) news is you can't quit nursing while you have mastitis. Well, I mean I guess you can, since it's your boobs and your choice, but it's highly recommend that you do NOT quit until the infection clears up. On top of the infected milk ducts, the excess of milk in your breasts from lack of nursing will make it worse and could eventually lead to the next step which could lead to surgery blah blah blah. Soooo, I must continue nursing or pumping at least through the next week (my dr. put me on a 3x a day for 7 days antibiotic vs. the 4x a day for 10 days after I told her the frequency of my last batch of antibiotics made me feel like I couldn't breathe the 10 days I took them). And then next week I would just have to get through the week before it's Brady's 2 month birthday! (Can you believe it?!) I originally wanted to get to 3 months of exclusive breastfeeding -- well really 6 months but through the holiday season is a bit unrealistic, we enjoy doing a lot and going a lot of places and finding a place to nurse every 3 hours blows. Now I know it's no longer exclusive since I've introduced some formula, so my new goal was not to start weaning until 3 months. And I mean, I guess I can do it at this point. It's 1 more week till his 2 month birthday, then 2 weeks till his next doctor appt where I can talk to his doctor about formula amounts, and then 2 more weeks till his 3 month birthday (I need to work in short term goals.)
But I wonder if the guilt factor will remain at 3 months. But would it remain at 6 months if I made it that long? And then a year? Because no offense to those who do it, but I think it's weird when a kid can come up to you and ask to suck on your breast. So past six months is not something that I'm interested in anyways. But Scott may not be working soon for a while (its that time of year) so the added expense of formula is a nice burden to not have right now (we have enough free formula that similac sent us in the mail to probably get to the new year if I only give Brady 1 bottle a day or a few a week.) So what should I do? Well that's a question no one can answer but me. Because no one else is feeling the pain, or feeling the guilt, or buying the formula, or looking into their babies eyes when he doesn't get your milk that he's used to.
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